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How to Help Your Daughter Set Meaningful Goals This New Year

The Bible says “good planning and hard work lead to prosperity” (Proverbs 21:5). It’s wise to set goals and to teach our children to do the same. Here are a few areas in which we can encourage our daughters to persevere this coming year.

 

Spiritual Growth—Our relationship with the Lord should always be top priority. How do you plan to grow in your faith this year? Ideas might include keeping a daily devotional journal, taking or leading a Bible study with friends, committing to reading six books of the Bible before summer, and so on. Discuss certain areas in which your daughter wants to grow, such as in gratitude, prayer, generosity, etc. Then come up with a plan to pursue growth in that facet of her Christian walk.

 

Relationships—How are you doing at honoring your mother and father? At loving your siblings? Being kind to friends and obedient to authority? Identify any particular relationships you’d like to work on this year, and discuss how you can actively strengthen those family or friendship bonds.

 

School—Working hard to do our best at school is one of the ways we can glorify and honor God. Is there a certain class you’d like to excel in this year? A goal you’d like to reach—such as earning a spot on the Math Olympics team, raising your grade in science, or joining the debate club? Discuss how school is not just about academics but also learning how to respect teachers, forgive our peers, and make God-honoring choices about our actions and beliefs.

 

Personal Interests—God has given us much to enjoy here on earth, and He wants us to use our talents for His glory. What personal interests do you want to pursue this year? Do you want to improve your skills in the activities you currently enjoy, such as piano, karate, soccer, dance? What about trying something completely new? Now is a great time in life to hone a skill or to explore a new one.

 

By taking time now to identify goals for the coming year, we can be intentional about pursuing them in the months to come. However, remember that “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps” (Proverbs 16:9). So even while encouraging your children to become wise planners, make sure you also teach them to be flexible. Often God’s plan turns out to be different from our own, and it’s always in our best interest to trust Him.

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Tween-Friendly Christmas Activities

Remember the days when your little girl wore footie pajamas and pigtails? As our daughters grow older, they may no longer listen for reindeer on the roof, but they still value Christmas traditions and quality family time. Here are some ideas for making this Christmas season special for your growing tween.

 

Cake for breakfast—Girls love to bake! Invite your daughter to bake and decorate a birthday cake for Jesus. Then serve it for breakfast on Christmas morning!

 

Secret St. Nick—Give your tween a small budget for “secret” giving. Take her shopping and encourage her to pick out little gifts and goodies for neighbors or friends at school, then help her deliver them anonymously. Watch as she learns the joy of selfless giving!

 

Outdoor sports—Go ice skating, skiing, or sledding as a family. If you live in a warmer climate, go hiking or swimming over Christmas break. These simple family outings are often a child’s favorite memories over the years.

 

Crafty Christmas—Have fun searching Pinterest together for tween-friendly crafts such as these wooden stick snowflakes or no-sew holiday throw pillows. If you’re truly ambitious, consider selling your creations and giving the money to a ministry or charity of your daughter’s choice.

 

Decorate!—Buy colorful lights and string them around your daughter’s bedroom or homework area. Take her shopping at a home goods store to choose a few fun winter décor pieces she can add to the household decorations. This will encourage her love of design and give her a sense of ownership in your home.

 

Lights, camera, action—Encourage your daughter to create a Happy New Year video where she can highlight blessings from the past year, say thank you for the gifts she received, and share her goals for the coming year. Then send the video to friends and family as a special greeting from your tween.

 

However you choose to spend this holiday season, be sure to thank God for the gift of a growing daughter. Each day she is one step closer to becoming the woman God designed her to be!

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Favorite Family Christmas Movies

You’ve watched It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas… but have you seen these lesser-known Christmas films? For parents seeking family-friendly flicks this holiday season, here’s a short list of recommendations from your friends at Faithgirlz.

 

The Nativity Story—A must-see for Christian families this time of year, The Nativity Story is an accurate telling of the Bible’s account of Mary, Joseph, and the birth of the Christ child. Parents beware, young children might be frightened by the opening scene involving a raid by Roman soldiers, so use your discretion; yet be encouraged, there is no vulgar language or violence to filter. This beautiful film is an emotional and thought-provoking depiction of life in Bethlehem during the time of our Savior’s birth.

 

The Christmas Candle—Based on the book by Max Lucado, this story is set in the sleepy English town of Gladbury at the turn of the century, where townsfolk place all their faith in a “magic” Christmas candle. When a young minister arrives to challenge the town’s superstitions, he is forced to face his own shortcomings as together the people of Gladbury discover the true meaning of faith and Christmas miracles.

 

Saving Christmas—Starring Kirk Cameron, this family comedy aims to tackle the commercialization of Christmas by refocusing our hearts on what really matters most—faith, hope, and love.

 

The Christmas Shoes—Inspired by the popular song of the same title, this movie tells the story of a little boy wishing to buy a special pair of shoes for his dying mother. When the boy crosses paths with a workaholic lawyer (played by Rob Lowe), both characters discover the true meaning of life, love, and the holiday season.

 

Beauty and the Beet—Veggie Tales has quite a collection of Christmas movies to choose from, but here’s one you might not have thought of. Starring country music singer Kellie Pickler, Beauty and the Beet is not a Christmas tale per se, yet the story is set in snowy winter and features a theme of love and acceptance—which are certainly two starring characteristics of Jesus himself.

 

The Star—New in theaters this season, The Star is an animated depiction of the nativity story told from the point of view of the animals! It’s getting fantastic reviews from sacred and secular film critics alike. Take a break from all your Christmas preparations and head to the theater for this fun and biblically sound movie the whole family will enjoy.

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Instilling Thankfulness in Our Children

Our kids today have access to a lot of luxuries. We send them to schools equipped with textbooks and tablets. We fill their bedrooms with toys and crafts and novels designed to entertain and educate. We take them shopping when they outgrow their jeans and snow boots, we feed them three meals a day, we treat them to ice cream and movies and trips to the trampoline park.

 

Compared to many other populations in the world, our children are abundantly loved and provided for. But do they realize it?

 

The risk of giving our children everything they need and much of what they want is that they could come to view this provision as their right rather than a privilege. As parents we can and should help our kids develop a heart of gratitude for their blessings, material and otherwise. Here are some ways to do just that.

 

Give to others. Grateful people are generous people. When we appreciate all we have, we’re more likely to pay it forward as a way of thanking God for our blessings. Cultivate this type of grateful giving in your family by participating in a charity campaign that’s meaningful to you, such as Operation Christmas Child, Toys for Tots, World Vision and so on. Or give your time volunteering to help an elderly neighbor with yard work or watching a single mom’s children for an afternoon. Opportunities to give to others are bountiful not just this time of year but all year round.

 

Go without. Sometimes the best way to appreciate what we have is to experience life without it. Spend a weekend without phones, computers or television. Challenge the kids to give up their toys for a week. Purge your closets and give gently used clothes and other belongings to others in need. If you dare, choose one night a week to turn off the electricity and live by candlelight like in the “olden” days. By sacrificing the comforts we take for granted, we can develop a new appreciation for them—and for the God who gave them to us.

 

Say thank you. We teach our kids to say please, thank you, excuse me and you’re welcome. But gratitude goes far beyond good manners. A simple “thank you” can validate another person—especially the ones we love best. Why not say “thanks” to your husband for mowing the lawn? Thank your children for obeying your instructions to put on their shoes. Thank your family for playing a board game together on a Friday night. Tell them you value your time together. Speak gratitude to the people around you, and you will foster a heart of gratitude in their own lives as well.

 

Count your blessings. This month, in preparation for Thanksgiving, create a thankful tree and encourage the whole family to get involved. Create a tree trunk and branches from brown paper, then cut several leaf shapes out of colored paper. On each leaf, write something you’re thankful for. Tape the leaves to the tree and display your creation in a central area of the house where all family members can see it. Continue adding more leaves as you think of more and more blessings. Make this an annual celebration of thankfulness in your home!

 

From all of us at Faithgirlz, we wish you a Thanksgiving season filled with gratitude!

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Healing Sibling Rivalry

Siblings are prone to bickering; that’s nothing unusual. Put two kids in a household together and eventually they’ll come up with reasons to snap. But as Christians, shouldn’t our homes look different?

 

Jesus says, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). Love is the marker of a true follower of Christ. And who are we called to love? Not just God, but one another. We have to get the message across to our kids that “one another” includes their siblings.

 

If your kids fight, here are three tips for healing the sibling rivalry in your house.

 

  1. Remind your kids your family is a team. God put you together, and He expects you to work together. One of the biggest mistakes our kids tend to make is viewing their siblings as the nemesis, rather than partners according to God’s design.
  2. Give your kids opportunities to practice getting along. Encourage them to read to one another, walk the dog together, play a game together, or make a craft. Explain the ground rules: no bossing, no bickering, no complaining, no eye-rolling. If they do well, reward them. Eventually they may discover the true reward is in the company they keep.
  3. Teach them to pray for one another. This will require your kids to consider one another’s needs rather than focusing only on their own. Plus it’s awfully hard to stay mad at somebody you’re praying for earnestly. Together, through the power of prayer, the entire family can witness what God does with your children’s faithfulness.
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Fall Conversation Starters

Football. Back to school. Pumpkin spice lattes. These are the markers of fall, which officially begins September 22.

 

When we consider the season’s change, God’s majesty is clear. He created the trees to turn colors and the wind to blow cold. He designed the harvest to end and the birds to fly south. He even tells the squirrels to store away food and our stomachs to crave hot chocolate! (Well, okay, maybe not that last one.) So much about this time of year signals the Father’s glory.

 

“But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the LORD has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.” (Job 12:7–10)

 

At Faithgirlz, we know how busy family life can be this time of year, and how easy it becomes to get wrapped up in routines and forget to look at the world around you. Yet we also believe it’s important to raise kids who seek God in everyday life. So let’s do it together!

 

Here are some fun conversation starters to get your kids thinking and talking about God’s glory this fall.

 

  • What is your favorite fall leaf color? Why do you think God chose orange, red and yellow instead of purple, pink and blue?
  • Which do you like better—the start of football season or the end of baseball season, and why? Isn’t it amazing how God created our arms and legs to work together in sports?
  • If you had a chance to go hiking for a day all by yourself, what would you pack in your backpack? What would you pray about?
  • Which is better—apple pie or pumpkin pie? Have you thanked God lately for creating apples/pumpkins?
  • If you could design a fall-inspired ice cream flavor, what would it be? Why do you think God gave us taste buds?
  • What is your favorite item of fall clothing in your closet? What items do you think you could part with and give to a family in need?
  • Name five things you can do with a squash. Why in the world do you think God created the squash, anyway? Isn’t He creative?
  • What do you enjoy best about nature in fall? Tell God how much you appreciate it!
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Are you raising an encourager?

Did you know yesterday was National Day of Encouragement? In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, the apostle Paul tells the church to “encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” Encouragement was God’s idea! That’s why we ought to be instilling it in our children. Here’s how.

 

Point your kids to Jesus. Encouragement starts in the heart, and the only way to fill a heart with good things is by inviting Jesus to dwell within it.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God” (1 John 4:7).

 

Teach them to think of others. It’s tough to encourage someone else if all you’re doing is thinking about yourself. Establish an environment of humility and generosity in your home. Serve others. Pray for others. Show your kids that caring about other people is important and fun. Then they will be primed to “rejoice with those who rejoice” and “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3–4).

 

Practice encouraging words. Compliments and kudos may not come naturally to every child. Make a habit of speaking encouraging words in your family so these types of conversations become ingrained in their character. For example, at dinner time, have everyone go around the table and say something nice about the person sitting on their left. Talk about the troubles or successes the kids are having in school and nudge siblings to voice their support.

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

 

Be your child’s cheerleader. The best way to teach encouragement is by giving encouragement. Tweens in today’s world are up against a lot of discouraging voices and ideas. Be the safe place where your kids will hear truth—that God created them, values them, and loves them no matter what. And so do you.

 

“…And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17–19).

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Teaching Kids to Be Servants at Heart

Today is International Day of Charity, a day to focus on serving others less fortunate. As Christians, serving others is a key aspect of our faith. We don’t serve others to earn God’s favor; we serve others because God’s favor already rests on us—and we’re eager to share His generous love with the world.

 

Are you teaching your kids to cultivate a heart of service? Here are some practical ways you can encourage them to love and serve others.

 

Be on the lookout. Opportunities to serve are everywhere. We just need to open our eyes to see them. Do you see someone sitting alone in the lunch room? Invite her to join you. Do you see a woman pushing a stroller through a store entrance? Hold the door open. Did a classmate drop all his books in the hall? Help him pick them up. Acts of service don’t need to be big projects in order to count. Developing a lifestyle of service involves noticing and responding to the little needs around you.

 

Team up. Gather a group of friends or neighbors to form a service club. Choose one project a month and tackle it together, such as picking up trash around town, watching younger kids for a single mom, collecting goods for a food drive, and so on. Serving together is a great way to build relationships while putting your faith into action.

 

Adopt a cause. As a family, choose one charity to support year-round. Maybe it’s sponsoring a child overseas, praying regularly for a missionary family from your church, donating used clothing to a local homeless shelter, or volunteering in Sunday School. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s a cause that has meaning to your family, then rally the whole crew around it.

 

Tithe. Encourage your kids to give a portion of their allowance to a worthy cause. While giving time is an important part of serving, giving money can also help teach kids that the world does not revolve around them, and God wants them to share with others.

 

For more information on International Day of Charity, visit http://www.un.org/en/events/charityday/.

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Teaching Kids to Respect Their Teachers

 

Remember kindergarten when your daughter’s teacher was a saint in her eyes? Back then the teacher knew everything. Your daughter adored her.

In middle school, well, not so much.

As kids mature and reach an age of discernment, they also learn to be critical. They might begin making fun of their teachers or testing their boundaries in new ways. As parents it’s our job to teach our kids to respect authority—even if that authority supposedly smells like cat food or hums out of tune.

Here are a few important points to share:

 

God commands us to respect authority. Why should we respect our teachers? Because God says so. Plain and simple. Respecting your teacher is obedience to God.

“Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you” (Hebrews 13:17).

 

Christians should love others. How do we show the world that we are Jesus followers? By praying? By reading the Bible? By singing worship songs and attending youth group? Those are all great activities, but they are not the mark of a true Christian. Can you guess what is? Loving others—including your teachers.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).

 

We all have flaws. Whenever your child is tempted to point out a habit or character trait she dislikes about her teacher, gently remind her that no one is perfect, yet God loves us all. Encourage her to accept her teacher’s human faults just as God accepts her own.

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Romans 15:7).

 

Pray! Perhaps your daughter feels her teacher treats her poorly. In that case, you may need to consider addressing the issue with school administrators. But first spend some time with your daughter in prayer, asking God to give you both wisdom and strength to forgive. Then ask God to bless and equip the teacher to guide students in an honorable way.

“Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:28).

 

Throughout the school year, keep an open line of communication between you, your daughter, and her teachers. And be aware of how you represent God in each of those relationships. The best way to teach respect is by example!

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Does She Know She’s Chosen?

(This post is a guest contribution from Elisa Puliam, a member of our FaithMomz network.)

Have you struggled with feeling like you’re not good enough? Maybe that you’ll always be the one that doesn’t quite fit in? Can you think back to when that feeling first became a thought that ultimately shaped a core belief about yourself? Was it critical word spoken by a parent or coach or someone you looked up to? Or maybe it was a result of being the last one picked for the team in gym class . . . for the umpteenth time?

 

While there are so many reasons why you might feel like you’re not good enough, there are a hundred more reasons why your daughter may be struggling with those emotions today.

 

Why so much more? Because as soon as your daughter has access to social media, she begins the arduous journey of carrying in her soul this thing called “feedback” and “likes” and “followers” and the power of the mighty SnapChat “streak.”

 

When we were her age, we boarded the bus home and left our peer influences behind. We had a break — a detox time to breathe and not worry about our worth. To not think about being judged. To not fret about our appearance. To not worry about our friend count. To not think about the possibility of being left out. And yet, didn’t we struggle with our identity and sense of worth?

 

Our girls live in a different world, where every social activity is documented. Where every moment is recorded publicly. Where every image is rated. And to top it all off, we’ve become addicted to this kind of information, thanks to the dopamine loop.

 

Raising girls to know the Truth of God’s Word and their identity in Christ in the face of so much social input is no easy feat.

 

While I was able to hold social media at bay for my older girls, allowing access to one platform at a time through their early high school years, a majority of my twelve year old’s peers are already on SnapChat — the one social media app that I believe is the most dangerous because of the built in autonomy. But because this is not my first rodeo with a tweenage daughter, I know that keeping a hard and fast policy of no social media before ninth grade would be like sentencing her to social death through isolation. Yes, it’s a reality, as much as I balk at it. So we’ve given her access to it, but with tremendous limits on and frequent check-in-on-the-heart conversations. We’re striving for balance between protection and prudence, wisdom and independence, responsibility and accountability.

 

While navigating the murky waters of social media with our girls, we’ve got to be equally vigilant to look for organic and authentic ways to convey truth to their souls and affirm their identity in Christ.

 

That’s going to look different for each of us. The way we connect with our girls doesn’t fit a mold because our personalities and relational style come into play. But we can share a common mission of seeking precious moments to drop “truth statements” deep into their hearts and minds. I think of this as a kind of Deuteronomy 6:5 mentoring. For example, while I’m driving my daughter up to the farm for her riding lesson, I gently encourage her to remember that she is already approved by God and to not become pre-occupied with everyone else’s opinions. On the way home, I ask her questions to pinpoint where she struggled and excelled, wondering how she’s doing in allowing God’s power to work in her weakness. When we scroll through her SnapChat feed, I ask questions and, Lord willing, I respond with truth and grace, as we deal with the hurt from not being invited to a “snapped-revealed” party. As we snuggle down to watch her favorite show, I whisper into her ear that she’s chosen, holy, and dearly loved by the God of Universe and by me and her daddy — a truth I know she’ll need to hear again and again.

 

My goal is to keep as connected to her heart as possible through doing life alongside her so that I can seize every opportunity to bring the Truth of God’s Word to the forefront of her mind. Is this your mission too? And so it is my prayer — and maybe will become yours as well — that when our girls hear the voice of Truth from us, it will make them crave more of the Word and leading of the Holy Spirit for themselves as they mature into owning their faith and believing their identity in Christ is secure.

 

We won’t always be around to remind our girls that they are indeed chosen, holy, and dearly loved, but we can prepare them to hear God’s still small voice deep within their soul.

Be sure to check out Elisa’s workbook, “Seven Strategies for Navigating Screens and Social Media with Tweens and Teens“

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